And I am now officially unemployed

Yep, baby! Put in my papers yesterday after having a talk with my counsellor and the partners in the firm. I wish I could say it was a tough decision but frankly, it wasn’t. In fact, I haven’t even seriously started looking for another job yet. I want to take the next 2-3 months of my life, sitting back, working on some of my own personal projects and basically seeing if one of these projects may actually be a sustainable business in the future.

I have never felt this scared or this certain in my life. I was never a consultant, though you could stick me in a suit and sell me to the highest bidder. What I am is a dreamer, an artist, a guy who can see possibilities. I can’t work for my next bonus. But point me towards a better future for me and my society and I will move mountains to accomplish that. I was trying to explain how I felt once and I remember saying this:

Look at our luck. Born in a family at a time when we are so financially stable. Born in a family that may have had some serious financial hardships in the past but better off today. I mean, my father could never take the risks I can when he was of my age.  Born in a country whose past was riddled with ineffeciencies but NOW, when we have just entered the workforce, is being recognized as one of the more desirable economies. Born again at a time when the sector I’m passionate about is nearing one level of maturity and will soon start growing to the next level. I mean C’MON ! Being at the intersection of such phenomena, would you still want to be a consultant? Wouldn’t you want to grab this incredible chance at really making something of yourself ? I deliberately never took on any committments – financially or emotionally that would prevent me from taking such risks in my life. And now, if I don’t take on this, I’m pretty much fucking up everything that I gave up to get this chance. I believe in one simple thing: “No regrets”. I don’t want to look  back at my life and wonder “How things could be?” I did that enough in my past and never again.

But I still can’t put it across more elegantly than Jeff Bezos:

What I’ve learnt in the last two months

First of all, a disclaimer: While the post might be a little harsh (out of sheer frustration), I have nothing but incredible respect for the managers and directors in my firm. Seriously, I have learnt so much from each and everyone of them that it’s been like brain sex for me.

K, so for the past two months, I’ve been a project that has been more of a learning experience on things not exactly my responsibility. Specifically with respect to staffing. Put it simply, there is an operational team that not many telecom companies are very proficient enough to handle and hence, one of our clients felt it in their best interest to outsource it to us while they re-structure (nopes not the lingo for downsizing but actually restructuring their team).

Now typically, when we perform a review of this activity (we also perform process reviews), it does not require more than 2 man weeks. But then the actual team on the client’s side is around 6-7 people. The problem comes when we estimate the effort based on our review activities than simply observing that the team structure at our clients. This might seem a little too obvious but it never struck any of us. The reason is that we mentally categorize activities into four different types (atleast I do): Low effort-low impact, low effort-high impact, high-effort, low impact and high effort-high impact. On a priority the second and the fourth activities are tackled in a review. And if you really want to add value (I’m sorry!) you identify risks that haven’t been inspected by the client. So these are our main areas of focus. However, when you work on it as the client -team, you HAVE to look at all four areas, irrespective of the impact. This was something, somehow, we had not factored in. In fact, initially the plan was for just me and one more person to handle two functionally-seperate circles (Indian telecom service is delivered in circles. Each operator needs to have a single license for each circle). So now we estimated our man-hours based on that. Man ! What a mistake! We are now working at 3 people for each of these circles and it still feels severely understaffed.

The most obvious answer is well, add more people to the mix. Two problems there: One was that the profitability gets hit taking the project into the red. Second, not enough people to staff the assignment within our entire firm. The first problem is unsolvable and had to be accepted. The second one, well, can be solved by recruiting. Except. Except this is not a standard operation like Procurement or Accounting where you can just plop in CFAs or CAs and get them running. Nopes. They outsourced it cos’ they had their teething problems remember? Fortunately, given our stature in the telecom industry, we have been lucky enough to recruit people on an immediate basis atleast with some amount of experience but not enough. They are still learning on the job putting some incredible pressure on the seniors. Hopefully, things should look up soon but I can say one thing. This has been an incredible learning experience and in some ways, despite all the frustration and pain, I believe I have taken away something significant from it:

First: Estimation of resources. Get it right. Use the right parameters.
Second: How crazily difficult it is to repair a plane in mid-flight. Atleast on the staffing front, if you don’t have the resources ready upfront, it’s going to be a mad dash to get it done later.

Despite all the pain and frustration, I can’t help but admire how our managers and directors are putting up with all our moaning and bitching and still trying to solve the problem

So what’s your message

Hugh Macleod delivers another brilliant one:

Credit: Hugh Macleod

It’s not exactly what you call subtle, but definitely a gapingvoid classic

The pressure of being an “expert” and the joy of being a “novice”

Would you prefer being called a novice or a domain expert?

Well, one of the things I realize is that now I’m being treated as a telecom domain expert. I do agree that I really have had the opportunity to pick up a lot of stuff during my past 3 years at work. And I really have been able to help a lot of my colleagues on areas ranging from networks, revenue assurance, supply chain and marketing. And have been more than happy to do so.
However, maybe this is one of my weird personality traits but I have always been happy being a novice. The ability to sit across someone and say “I have no idea! Would love to learn though” and then chat up for the next one hour on something that expands my brain cells a little bit. I somehow miss that setting nowadays. Nowadays, the moment I get on a project, I’m the domain expert and am expected to know almost 80% of the stuff before I even begin. And I do know it. But, because of just that, the work gets a little stale. And the pressure increases dramatically. It’s the dangerous area where low motivation meets deadly work pressure. I think I really am in the Dip now. And frankly, am really not pulling my weight on the project now which is further frustrating and burning me out. Am desperately trying to move to another job where I can be a novice again and feel free to make all those amateur mistakes again.

Places to go….issues to close

Travelling has always been a passion for me. Whether it was to typically-touristy Mauritius or the at-that-time-unheard-of Cambodia. And now, finally as a propah vacation, I’m going to Hong Kong, Japan and China. A lot of people have expressed surprise that I would go to another fast-moving city for a holiday. I guess, it’s about the people and the culture that has always turned me on. I love listening to new, unfamiliar languages and traditions. I love listening to new thoughts on the same issues. I love different perspectives (especially those clash with mine). But this time , it’s not just all that. I need to take some time off alone and figure out my priorities both career-wise and personally.
I have been having this incredible uneasy feeling that I’m just not cut out for what I plan to do. The last year, while incredibly exasperating and taxing has also been quite an eye-opener in terms of my capabilities. I never thought I would be able to lead an entire team of people across a pan-India review for 11 circles. Funnily, I think that is the reason I took it up (talk about stretch targets !) I have been quite satisfied by that. However, my biggest weakness in terms of planning and indiscipline keeps coming back to haunt me. Frankly, it’s quite obvious to me that consulting is not my cup-of-tea. While spending 3 years in a consulting firm has been a vertical learning curve, it has also in its own sense been a frustrating experience not being able to get your hands dirty on the implementation. Instead, we write reports. Been losing my motivation quite a bit in the last 3 months wherein all I wanted was to close it all and get away. I have always been passionate about telecom and will always be. I dont see another single sector that has the potential to impact lives and incomes the way this sector has. I guess it has always been about impact rather than process for me. I think I’ve learnt as much as I could at this place. I was just counting out the cities I’ve been to in the last 3 years and it’s been incredible: Mumbai, Chandigarh, Delhi, Meerut, Kochi, Jaipur, Goa, Ahmedabad, Hyderabad, Indore, Noida, Sonepat, Gandhinagar, Kolkata, Bangalore, Pune and these were all on work! Countries included Sri Lanka, Mauritius and Cambodia with a possible trip to Bahrain in the near future.
I think what got me was a mail from the partner saying that there were good chances of getting the engagement renewed in the near future. Instead of considering it as a celebration, I just felt the wind go out of me. It’s then I realized that I need a break from what I do. This trip gives me that break; to sit back and really really figure out what I want to do with my life.
At a personal level, I have been commit-o-phobic. While easily a part of that can be attributed to my experience with Belle and my parents’ marriage (not the most compatible pair), I think I need to introspect to see whether I’m even capable of taking that long leap into the murky depths of the independence-sacrificing phenomenon called marriage…..like I said, commit-o-phobic.
Maybe this trip will raise questions I cant answer or give me answers to questions I havent been able to address yet. God help this basket case !!

PS – the travel brochure talks about shopping for stuff like jade statues, calligraphy prints and chinese handicrafts as well as electronic goods and stuff in Japan… Man ! I’m going to be so bankrupt !!